Landless White Trash

Provided at Her Excellency's request -  Back when I was a member of The Spenser-Longfellow Trading Company, we filked a song for Baron Haakon that went over quite well, especially for the  group assembled at the South Sound Unity Tourney in which we performed it as  a group. :-) 

With the advancement of His Excellency Jacques, we thought it fitting  that this go back into circulation. :-) Please take it in the vein that it  was intended, that being in fun. I have nothing but respect for His  Excellency, but couldn't resist the opportunity to poke a little fun at his expense. :-)
 
 Arontius.
 
 Landless White Trash
 (Sung to 'King of the Road', with apologies to Roger Miller)
 
 Barons for sale or rent
 Baronesses to sublet
 Old worn out coronets
 Ain't got no lands to sit
 They got four hours of holding court
 Beer and scotch by the quart
 I'm a coronet of means by no means
 Landless white trash.
 
 (chorus)
 I know every Baron and all of the crowns
 All of the suckups ever around.
 Every hand-out that's ever come down.
 Platters of moon-pies and polyester gowns...
 
 Barons without a cent.
 Baronesses in fishnet.
 Jerry Springer would be impressed
 Wrote this song with Baron Jacques* consent
 Though he denies he was ever here
 He drank all of our really good beer.
 He's a coronet of means by no means
 Landless white trash.
 
 *Originally this said Haakon, but since we're singing in honour of Baron
 Jacques, the replacement fits I think. :-)

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Landless White Trash

To the tune of “king of the Road”

Written by The Spenser Long-Fellow Trading Co.

Dedicated to the Baron and Baroness of the Court of Misrule

Baron Hawkon and Baroness Sansia


Barons for sale or rent

Baronesses to sublet

Old worn out coronets

Ain’t got no lands to sit

They got 4 hours of holding court

Beer and Scotch by the quart

I’m a coronet of means by no means

Landless White Trash



I know every Baron and all of the Crowns

All of the suck ups ever around

Every hand-out that’s ever come down

Platters of moon-pies and polyester gowns



{Back up hum tune softly }

You know you are landless white trash if?

The aluminum siding on your biffy is peeling

Your consider duct tape a long term investment

If you decorate with souvenirs from An Tir West War

If you’ve got more than two dogs tied to your pavilion

If you’ve got 4 wagons in your court yard and only one them works

If you dredge your moat and find a horse

If ya cruise the dungeon to get a date

Ya gotta take spray paint into the biff to defend your sister’s honor

You watch Jerry Springer for persona development

If your idea of a 3-remove feast includes: twinkies, spam, and beer

If ya can’t get your coronet on over your pink sponge rollers

If ya use your coronet to open your beer

If you open court with “ Y’all draw nigh”



{next verse}

Barons without a cent

Baroness’s in fishnet

Jerry Springier would be impressed

Wrote this song with Hawkon’s consent

Though he denies he ever was here

He drank all of our really good beer

He’s a coronet of means by no means

Landless white trash